I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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