Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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