I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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