I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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