I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
a search helicopter?!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
