She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
