its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
