well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
