Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
