i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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