Are we in a gay sports bar?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
