We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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