Cold hands, warm shart.
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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