My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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