drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
