I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
