If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
