god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
