Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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