The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
In America we eat man semen.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize