Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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