are you still at the devil's house?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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