As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
