We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
