So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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