My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it's like iHOP with fire
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
