pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
