Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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