hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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