I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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