Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
