Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
