..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
