So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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