What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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