I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
