Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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