dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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