Christians are straight up FREAKS
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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