So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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