Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
