i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I want is dick and wine.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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