I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
