Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have feelings that need drinking.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
how does that bad decision feel?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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