She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
