He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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