alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
