Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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