Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
