HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize