the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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