ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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