I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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