fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
