Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
