Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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