I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
