Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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