hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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