am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
