Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
