quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
