I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
