She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
