You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
