We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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