Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
