Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
