Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
