I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
