yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
