im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
