Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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